


I Want To Lie Next To You

by incorrect19days



Category: 19天 - Old先 | 19 Days - Old Xian
Genre: 19 days - Freeform, First Time, Jian Yi - Freeform, M/M, Zhan Zheng Xi - Freeform, losers - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-13
Updated: 2016-05-12
Packaged: 2018-06-08 03:06:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6836515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/incorrect19days/pseuds/incorrect19days
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If he wakes up, and doesn’t remember…</p>
<p>if he wakes up and hates himself for this.</p>
<p>If he wakes up and pretends he doesn’t remember any of it…</p>
<p>Jian Yi would have this moment</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Talk Me Down - Troye Sivian

Jian Yi woke slowly, surprised he’d slept at all. 

He stared up at Xixi’s familiar ceiling, he was just a little closer to it than normal. 

His heart leapt as he turned his head. 

He hadn’t been dreaming. How many dreams had he had like this? He couldn’t begin to count. 

His head was pounding. 

They’d had too much to drink, that’s why this happened. 

He didn’t let himself wonder if that was the only reason it had happened. 

He refused to think that. 

Zhan Zheng Xi really was beautiful. 

He watched as the light coming through the window turned his skin and hair to gold for a moment. 

He loved him like this.

His throat tightened. 

He had that awful feeling that he was about to cry. 

He’d never actually prepared for this eventuality. 

He reached out, hesitantly. Xixi had always been a heavy sleeper. 

He propped up on an elbow and gently ran his fingers through his best friend’s hair and wondered what would happen when he woke up. 

He hated himself for not being able to block those thoughts out, even for a few hours. 

He hated himself for desperately wanting this for so many years and never having the courage to do it himself. 

Six hours ago, Zhan Zheng Xi looked at him in a way he never had before. 

Like he finally, finally fucking saw it. Like he finally fucking noticed. 

They’d been talking about…movies? Books? Something. 

And Zhan Xi had made an awful joke. 

Jian Yi spilled his beer on himself, laughing. 

He’d pulled his shirt over his head and thrown it across the room.  

He’d leaned back on his elbows and focused back on his best friend, waiting for him to continue his story. 

Zhan Xi had looked at him, stood up, and taken the two steps it took to reach him, straddled his lap, and kissed him. 

The mixture of surprise, relief, and excitement, hit him so hard, he didn’t know what to do. 

He let ZhengXi push him back onto the bed and he kissed him back, to the best of his ability, considering he was a potato at the time.  

He loved him like this. 

When he finally got it together enough to react, he was already so far gone, he only vaguely remembered hands, lips, tongues, deep breaths, uncomfortable pressure, gentle reassuring words, sharp pain, biting the sheets to keep quiet…oh god, it was so good. 

He shook his head. 

Let the moment be pleasant, for once in your fucking life, let it go. 

It took him a few years to slowly accept that he was in love with Zhan Zheng Xi. 

It was silly to say it now. 

Breaking news: water is wet. 

God, but as time passed, it got harder to say, worse to feel, more painful to hold in. 

Fuck, he loved him. 

He loved him, and finally, years and years later… A few more moments of seeing him in the way he may never see him again.

He loves him like this.

If he wakes up, and doesn’t remember…

if he wakes up and hates himself for this.

If he wakes up and pretends he doesn’t remember any of it…

Jian Yi would have this moment. 

He stood, on his way to the kitchen and looked back at him, all golden and peaceful. Sheets wrapped around his legs.

Jian Yi loved him like this. 

He loves him while he made breakfast, he’d love him when he woke up. He’d love him even if he never loved him back. 

But right now, he loved him like this. 

And that was good enough.


	2. Grey Areas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From Zhengxi's POV

Zhengxi didn’t open his eyes when he woke up.   
That would be accepting being awake, and he wasn’t ready for that at all. 

His head was pounding, and even through his eyelids, the light was killing him. 

He felt Jian Yi shift next to him.

Whoa…what? 

Had that really happened? 

He thought it had been a dream…

God knows he’d had that dream before. 

It came back to him slowly. 

He’d been telling Jian Yi about a movie he’d seen or something, and he’d made some awful joke, one of those jokes so bad he’d cringed as he’d made it. 

Jian Yi had just taken a drink, and spit it out as he laughed. 

It was one of those sincere laughs. The kind you only get when someone catches you completely off guard. 

No one, NO ONE, in the world would have laughed at that joke. 

That hit him. 

He’d thought about it before, to an extent, how much Jian Yi cares, how different things were between them, compared to most friendships.

Jian Yi pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it into the corner, smiling at him as he settled back down. 

That’s what it took. Somehow, this is what did it. 

Before he could talk himself out of it, he stood, walked to the edge of the bed, and straddled Jian Yi’s lap. 

He didn’t give either one of them time to back out as he leaned down and kissed his best friend. 

Jian Yi was perfectly still beneath him. 

There was a moment where he thought Jian Yi might push him off. 

A moment when he thought he’d read the situation wrong, like he’d read the last year wrong, but after a few moments, Jian Yi responded with so much enthusiasm, their teeth clashed. 

He tightly wrapped his arm around Zhengxi’s waist and flipped them over. 

Jian Yi pulled back and looked down at his friend, his eyes glassy.

They both smiled. 

It was all pretty blurry after that. 

He remembered holding him and whispering in his ear as he slowly got Jian Yi ready.

Despite their overly rambunctious friendship, their tendency to hurt each other, that’s not how last night had gone. 

He had held him, kissed him, stroked his hair, pretended not to notice when he cried. 

Zhengxi loved him. 

He’d known that for years, it took this, it took being this close, being inside him. 

It took realizing how fully they trusted each other. 

He felt Jian Yi gently run his fingers through his hair. 

He knew what his friend was thinking. 

He knew he was dreading this morning, he knew he was ready to be denied, refused, pushed away.

Zhengxi was nearly ready to ‘wake up’ and talk this out, regardless of how terrible that sounded, when Jian Yi got out of bed.

Zhengxi watched his friend walk away. 

He’d seen him naked before, but not like this. He really was beautiful.

He heard pans clanging, the fridge and cabinets opening and closing. 

Zhengxi was hungry, but not hungry enough. 

He ignored the pounding in his head and pushed himself out of bed.

Jian Yi jumped as he reached around him to turn off the stove.

Zhengxi wrapped his arms around his best friend and whispered in his ear.

‘Come back to bed, Jian Yi,’


End file.
